Music To Masturbate To

I started a new project

2007-10-15T17:41:46Z

It's a graphic novel, but for now, I'm just writing it and doing drawings. It's super complicated, combining Catholic saints with the T.Rex album The Slider. It's fairly intense, but I'm having fun.

Yay creativity!

Fall music

2007-10-15T03:29:02Z

1. "We're Going To Be Friends," The White Stripes
2. "He's A Mighty Good Leader," Beck
3. "Prodigal Son," The Rolling Stones
4. "Mine's Not A High Horse," The Shins
5. "The Boy With The Thorn In His Side," The Smiths
6. "Rock and Roll," The Velvet Underground
7. "1979," Smashing Pumpkins
8. "Naomi," Neutral Milk Hotel
9. "Make It Hot," Mirah
10. "Waltz #2," Elliott Smith
11. "Oh Yoko," John Lennon
12. "Haiti," Arcade Fire
13. "Expectations," Belle & Sebastian
14. "The Only Living Boy In New York," Simon & Garfunkel
15. "Anyone Else But You," The Moldy Peaches
16. "These Days," Nico
17. "Mad World," Gary Jules
18. "A Day In The Life," The Beatles

Adventures in Hippy School: Episode Six

2007-10-14T23:23:57Z

I don't want any of you to get the wrong impression- I am only putting my thoughts and feelings into this format as a useful way to procrastinate.

I took a lortab last night, and it's still fucking with me now. All I want to do is sleep, but I have a paper to write. A comparative essay. I really cared about it on Friday, but sometime between then and now, the shit I gave has disappeared. Shit: gone. I have none to give. At least I can always tell the professor that I had kidney stones, and get a chance to make it up . . .

Yesterday was pretty much terrible. Fuck if I know what got me depressed, but I spent a good portion of the day crying and blowing snot everywhere. Yes, very attractive, I know. It's just the usual "my parents fucked me up, now I'm so sad" bullshit that I've been pulling for, what, almost twelve years now? The whole there's-no-point-to-my-life-because-I'll-just-end-up-like-them-I-should-just-kill-myself thing.

I'm a lot better now, but this paper is driving me insane. I had so many good ideas. I had a ground-breaking theory about Western society's flaws being traced to our lack of initiation being traced back to our obsession with youth being traced back to Protestant love of the resurrected.

Basically: gang killings = zombie jesus

But now, who cares? I have barely left my room today. I showered, but then put my pajamas back on.

Friday had been such a great day. It was cool and breezy, but sunny. I got two birthday packages and one card (Mom and Max, Dad and Abby, grandma). I turned in my kick-ass shot-by-shot analysis for the scene on the bed in Lost in Translation. I watched Singin' In The Rain. I wore legwarmers. I went to a crazy dance party.

And then yesterday happened.

I'm excited about tomorrow and everything (BIRTHDAY), but I'm more overwhelmed by depression and drugs and stupid fucking homework.

I have two exams to study for this week. Psych and film analysis, on Friday.

But then I get to see (and sleep with) my girlfriend! And then I'll be home! So what do I have to complain about?

A lot, apparently.

I've got tonight and tomorrow . . .

2007-10-14T00:33:23Z

And then I'll be too old to have fun.

What teenagery things should I do before I turn twenty? I am desperate for ideas.

Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi; you're my only hope.

cecelia_merde @ 2007-10-08T22:42:00

2007-10-09T02:43:58Z

I just really like this. I don't know what it's for.

I am appalled to the point of silence

2007-10-06T19:46:29Z

http://www.courier-journal.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20051009/NEWS01/510090392

If you haven't heard about this story, it is important that you read it and feel disgusted about America with me.

My recent internet purchases

2007-10-05T23:48:10Z

I have stuff to keep me warm at night.

If you want to see notes:

http://flickr.com/photos/spaceboy_dream/1491591523/

Adventures in Hippy School: Episode Five

2007-10-03T17:49:30Z

Oh my god, saddlecock.

I'm watching the Royal Tenenbaums instead of doing homework. And ten minutes ago, I was making soup instead of doing homework. I am going to continue doing things other than homework until 4:30, and then I will go to work. At work, I will either pull hot, wet, dishes out of the industrial dishwasher, or I will serve disgusting food to the disgusting masses. After work, I will do the minimum amount of homework I need to do to get through tomorrow, then I'll talk to my girlfriend for an hour, then I'll maybe . . . write? Probably buy things on the internet and sleep.

Tomorrow I will wake up and go to class, get another A, and the cycle will continue.

And it will continue until the weekend, when I will have drunken dance sex with people I have never spoken to, nor will, ever.

This will continue on until fall break. Then I'll come home.

It's almost impossible to think that this will continue on for four years.

I'm already fantasizing about grad school.

I like this one much better

2007-10-02T14:46:29Z

Halloween is coming, the goose is getting fat

2007-09-30T22:18:14Z

As controversial as it is, I don't think I'm going to make a costume this year. Halloween at WWC is usually pretty crazy, but I feel any effort of mine in creating a costume would be a waste. Instead, I think I will just wear tight, protective clothing and good running shoes, and carry around my bat, patroling for zombies. No one here is prepared at all for the zombocalypse, so I have decided to take some fucking responsibility.

I'm super pissed that I won't be in Bloomington for my favorite holiday. I'll miss the Harmony costume parade . . .

I hope I'll still be around for Rocky.

Just copying Bethy . . .

2007-09-27T19:43:15Z

Smoking with your feet, not hot

2007-09-23T18:01:27Z

Kate Moss, back in the day, hot.

Adventures At Hippy School: Episode Four

2007-09-22T15:09:17Z

That was how I looked before going on the hunt for trouble last night. I wish I had been sober enough to take an "after" picture.

Now, I am sitting at my desk after waking up waaaaay too early, drinking a mocha chai that is too watery. I'm probably supposed to be at work right now, but no one told me when, or if they really needed me, and my phone had been off the hook for I don't know how long this morning, so . . .

Gena had to go to some choral thing, I don't know, so I'm alone. This is the first weekend in a long time that I don't have any pressing work to do. What I plan on doing is taking a fucking shower, getting dressed in something girly, and walking around campus until I find somewhere to sit and make stickers. It's really bright outside, but it's that fall bright.

I had my first test yesterday, in psychology. I can almost guarantee at least a B+. I still haven't gotten my first paper back in comp. I want to know my grades! God, grades . . . Harmony made me forget how I love the immoral classification process of grading.

Last night, I was talking to my girlfriend on the phone, lying on my bed in my bra, a miniskirt, and my maggot fishnets, all whored up, when Lindsay, the first friend I made here (when I came to visit, we tried to carve a vagina into a pumpkin) burst into the room. She had just recently broken up with her long-time girlfriend, Jackie, who is now dating one of Lindsay's residents (she's an R.A.). We commiserated about needing to find alcohol to fuck, people to drink. We found Greta, who is one of my favorite people in the world, drunk off her ass, complaining about some freshman boy who doesn't want to fuck her. We complained about freshmen, and started an 80's dance party in Greta's room. At some point, wine appeared, and then vodka. Then, Lindsay, Gena and I wandered (Greta kept running off with random people), and we kept running into some members of Stupid Club that I consider intelligent, and thus, my friends. They, too, were rather drunk, and I got lots of hugs. I also rolled down a hill, and it was the most dizzing experience of my life.

Eventually Gena and I wandered back to our room and passed out. I was still a little drunk at that point.

Friday nights are the best kind of bullshit.

On another note, everyone who does not know me because I've done freshman things with them thinks I'm either a) a transfer, or b) a junior. When I mentioned this to Greta, she told me I have an "old soul." Then she flashed me her titties.

On another another note, I miss television. Our internet here isn't good enough for me to watch TV on the internet. So sad. I feel so fucking disconnected from the real world. You know, the world where people are offensive and it's just funny.

Oh, hippy school.

Eyewear Galore

2007-09-19T18:01:48Z

They were nine dollars a pair at fredflare.com

I may not get glasses, but at least I get sunglasses.

top 20 movies

2007-09-15T18:36:47Z

I tried to make them as difficult as possible.

1:

2:

3:

4:

5:

6:

7:

8:

9:

10:

11:

12:

13:

14:

15:

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20:

I don't even really like Jell-O

2007-09-13T19:56:23Z

Buy I love this. It's San Francisco.
More:
http://www.lizhickok.com/portfolio_jello.html

Movie #1

2007-09-11T01:04:13Z

Going Nowhere

A movie about a brother-sister road trip from Lincoln, Nebraska to Los Angeles, where college dropout Marcus has the journalist job of his dreams awaiting him. Michaela, his promiscuous art school student sister, goes with him, and the two of them face problems from their pasts as they drive farther and farther away from their childhood home (I never said it had to be a good movie).

1. "Avery Island/April 1st," Neutral Milk Hotel- Beginning scene, phone ringing and sister leaving message

2. "Mile High Club," Adam & The Ants- sister making out with two naked guys in a red telephone booth as "art"

3. "Keep The Car Running," Arcade Fire- they set off on the road trip

4. "I Don't Love Anyone," Belle & Sebastian- argument in car about sister's "art"

5. "Johnny Thunder," The Kinks- music in diner, on the road west

6. "After You Left," Mirah- sister messing around with random guy in motel pool

7. "Citizens of Tomorrow," Tokyo Police Club- brother driving, flashbacks of his childhood

8. "Yellow Submarine," The Beatles- sister jumping on bed and dancing as Yellow Submarine plays on motel TV

9. "Love Is All Around," The Troggs- brother gets predictions/advice from manager of kitschy motel

10. "Tahiti," Bat For Lashes- driving, brother asks sister what she thinks the manager's predictions of "the muse" means

11. "Who's Got The Crack?" The Moldy Peaches- sister shoplifts from gas station, almost gets caught, brother is pissed

12. "Pink Noise (Rock Me Amadeus)," Beck- brother gets in fight with truckdriver at a truckstop diner outside Vegas, gets the shit beaten out of him

13. "2:45 A.M." Elliott Smith- brother takes a handful of valium and wanders in the desert, has a breakdown, flashbacks to his past suicide attempts

14. "Heart It Races," Architecture in Helsinki- sister finds a crazy sex club in the back of a laundromat, flips her shit and ends up passing out half-naked and covered in red paint behind the laundromat

15. "Reel Around The Fountain," The Smiths- brother wanders back, finds sister, carries her back to motel and begins to write

16. "To Go Home," M. Ward- morning, brother and sister get into the car (gold 1976 Toyota Corolla), brother tells sister that he's ready to go where the muse takes him, and they head back home

Adventures At Hippy School: Episode Three

2007-09-10T17:58:51Z

God, I'm so fucking sore.

Between dancing for two hours, cleaning refrigerators and running around this uphill campus, my ass and thighs are just bundles of contracted nerves. I guess passing a second kidney stone isn't really helping, either. At least I got a prescription from the nurse so I'm be getting a bunch more lortab soon. Yay!

And my brain isn't too much better off.

I got transferred to Dining Crew, which was fun for a while, since I got to cater an event at the president's house, and basically just mess around while on the clock. I wish I could just cater and get hours. But I must clean up after the infantile masses that eat at the cafeteria.

On the plus side, I found this sweet Members Only jacket and stole it.

Classes are getting less boring, but the students are just getting more annoying. In Intro to Psych, I've learned that that means they have a negative correlation. My psych professor is pretty cool, in the dorkiest way possible. I'm excited to take his Health Psychology next fall.
I got a B+ on my first comp paper, which is fair, since the assignment was to write about one particular moment that changed your life, and I just wrote about how fucked up my mom is for forcing god on me.

In more interesting news, I've started a project. Making soundtracks for movies that don't exist. It's pretty much my favorite game ever.

I should be studying.
Signing off.

showdown, helen style

2007-09-02T14:32:34Z

Adventures At Hippy School: Episode Two

2007-09-01T19:15:30Z

First week of classes: done
First assignment: done

How do I feel? Dulled. The challenges that boredom presented in Bloomington are different here. If I was bored in Bloomington, I could go to Soma, or the library. I could hunt down people who stimulated cerebral activity.

Here, I have . . . my computer. What did I used to do before I had smart friends? Oh, yeah, drugs.

Hopefully, my greatest wish will come true, and I'll get transferred to the Library crew. Right now, I'm on Heavy Duty. As in "heavy duty disinfectant" or "heavy duty vacuum cleaner." I worked for the first time on Thursday ( I was scheduled for Wednesday, but a kidney stone decided I needed to be stoned all day instead), and it was miserable. If it was the last job in the world, I would kill myself. The cobwebs, oh the cobwebs. But I have a legitimate excuse to be transferred: dust and mold allergies. If I get to work at the library, I will work all day and all night.

When I'm not being bored, I go to class. My classes aren't terrible, but the students are. Self-obsessed fuckers who think Kafka is writing about their college experience, not madness and death. The professors are annoyingly tolerant of these assholes, but I still like most of them. My composition class seems the most promising as of now. I got finished writing a personal essay for the class about half an hour ago. The professor is cynical and sarcastic and a poet, so I forgive him when he entertains the ideas of the morons he must teach.

Gena has proved an excellent roommate. She's taking eighteen credit hours this semester, and working for money as well as on her assigned crew, so she makes up for it by sleeping all weekend (like now).

The group of students here, as a whole, are vastly unattractive. There is one single girl that I would consider calling my college girlfriend. I don't know her name, probably because I was busy staring when she introduced herself. The cutest dyke I have ever seen in my life, if half the boys in the world dressed like she does, I would like cock. Srsly.

I started a zombie stencil a week or so ago, but it's still unfinished. I could finish that today.

Or, I could do more reading for homework.

Is it homework if you're not at home?

Anyway, until next week.

College is on drugs!

2007-08-29T23:15:00Z

And so am I.

Kidney stones. Quite nothing like kidney stones.

Hydrocodone is also rather unique.

DRUGSSS.

Adventures At Hippy School: Episode One

2007-08-24T23:04:12Z

It all began so innocently. I just wanted to go to a small, private, strange school.

Oh, how good intentions can go so bad.

Between the lack of bathing and the lack of criticism, there is enough hippy here to span the global. And remember, I went to Harmony High School . . .

On the first day, we broke up into our First Year Seminars and began the introductions. I am in Liberal Art, affectionately icknamed Stupid Club. Our curriculum? Sit, speak, discuss, sit. As Sam- our crazy professor- says, we are here to "Think" and "Talk", not "Do". Almost everyone who signed up for the class did so because they didn't understand the description.

I am the only cute blonde girl in my First Year Seminar. There is a girl who looks like she could cry any second, a stumpy girl from Florida who ignores it when people talk to her and just keeps talking, a tall nasty guy who only took three years of high school and sticks his entire tongue out of his mouth when he thinks something is weird. There are a few girls I can tolerate, and one I like. Julie, she's tiny and round and a big dyke. She's funny, and she was the only person who knows the movie The Dreamers. She also loves Prince.

Second Day . . . we did more hippy bullshit. Same with the next day and the next day.

Last night was an LGBTQ meeting I accidentally went to because it was in my dorm. That's how I discovered Julie's dykedom. Then I watched Little Miss Sunshine at the Pavillion, which is just a big gazebo.

Today, today was Service Day. Oh, what torture was Service Day. An annual bonding experience for every new class, we, as a community of helpful hands (!!!), went to this big park and weeded flower beds. Not tiny flowerbeds in the shade, no, but monster beds with weeds that may or may not have killed a few people. And did I mention that it was about 95 degrees? I spent the afternoon just sitting under a tent, refusing to get heat stroke. It was gross.

Speaking of, I am the only one who bathes in my dorm. I am the lone shower-er. And it would be alright if these dirty people were cool. If they were crusties, I would embrace their stinking ways. But, no, they are merely hippies, hippies who don't even know what a crusty punk is.

I have hope, though. Almost everyone I've found even mildly interesting has been an upperclassman, so I believe that I will find at least a few more people I do not want to stab in the face even time they speak.

Another reason for hope- the drop-out rate for freshmen is 50%.

My classes this semester (all my first choices):

Intro to Psych
Intro to Film Analysis
Writing Rites of Passage
Stupid Club

asheville

2007-08-19T21:21:43Z

I am in the room I am sharing with my mother at a Comfort Inn after driving eight hours with only a couple of hours of sleep, and no food that I could keep down.

What have I learned?

1. My mother is one of the worst drivers I've encountered (and that includes the driver of the giant blue pickup that demolished the front of my car on Friday. I realize now that my post yesterday really understated the situation)

2. I hate the people in charge of student housing at WW, because at the last minute, because so girl moved out, I am now in a room with some girl named Emily who owns next to nothing. And I am the one who must track down the man who's response and ask him, srsly, wft? Because I can't move into the room that's actually mine without his permission.

3. I don't really care that much about the mountains and the scenery because I'm too busy stressing over the fact that I can't unpack anything because I'M NOT IN THE RIGHT ROOM.

4. I am terrible at handling stress.

cecelia_merde @ 2007-08-18T12:34:00

2007-08-18T17:41:09Z

I got into a big car accident yesterday, and it wasn't my fault.
I'm fine, but my car was a little messed up.
It was a little traumatizing, but I responded perfectly under pressure, calling the cops and dealing with a giant angry Hispanic man.

I knew it was going to happen.

I am totally gay!

2007-08-16T00:14:36Z

The plesiosaur is definitely my favorite dinosaur. Badassssss.

Also, I miss those two princesses, those Sarah and Dylan people.

Happy sweet sixteen, by the by, Dylan. Do you feel any more legal?

I got my MacBook. It's pretty. And I have Windows on it, so it's got what I want and need.

I've started my college inventory. I've gotten my clothing, my meds and my toiletries recorded in my sketchbook/journal.

As of now, I'm actually kind of excited to leave these sweaty pits of hell. But, by tonight I could feel totally different.