Music To Masturbate To

( vegan cupcakes and friends )

( my small collection )

So, y'all remember when Steve Gutenberg played a child molester on Veronics Mars?




Yeah...

I've been making soymilk with my new machine. It's been fun.


I discovered that plain home made soy milk is pretty nasty and is no good in my coffee. So, I made some adjustments and have created the most perfect non-dairy milk in the world. Here it is:
The regular amount of soybeans, soaked. When you put it in the filter cup, add about 2 tablespoons of dry oatmeal. Run the machine as usual. When it's finished, immediately strain the milk through a cheesecloth in a colander. Add about 1/8 cup of unbleached turbinado sugar and about 2 teaspoons of salt. Stir. I never thought that sugar was necessary in soy milk, but believe me when I say it is NO GOOD without it. The salt thickens it and you can't taste it at all. It doesn't separate in coffee, it doesn't taste sweet, and it's a whole lot cheaper than Silk and it's guaranteed vegan!
And here's a fun fact: the stuff left over in the cheesecloth can be rolled into a ball and dried in the sun. When it's dry, it bounces!

You know that "above the influence" ad where the kid decides he doesn't want to be kicked in the shin like his friends?

What little efficacy it has is lost when it's immediately followed by a preview for Pineapple Express.

I'm just saying.

I received a rare sign of affection from my boss.
He gave me a gift as I was slicing away at swiss cheese, dairy particles clinging to my arm hair. He stormed in, made his way to the back of the shop and placed on the cutting board next to me a peach. "Here" he growled, and continued walking past me.
It was the most delicious piece of fruit I've ever eaten.